Everyone, quick, roll your eyes before you read this. You'll thank me at the end.

Oftentimes Dominic and I like to speculate on what our future children might look like. It's a game we can play for hours because, really, with our particular mix of genetics anything is possible from Mariah Carey to the Loch Ness Monster. Yesterday, as we were frequenting the local Krispy Kreme, he made me laugh really, really loudly by declaring that our chances of having Chinese babies were better than average. Please, let me explain.

Dominic is half Filipino, and though his eyes are faintly almond-shaped, he doesn't look particularly Asian for the most part, except for sometimes when he laughs, and I call him Laughing Filipino Man, which is something he loves. Trust me.

I, on the other hand, am white.

White white white white white white.

My heritage consists of a bunch of white people from the Continent breeding with other white people from the Continent for centuries and centuries, and with everyone in my family this is blatantly apparent...except, perhaps, for with me. Don't get me wrong. I have blonde hair, blue eyes, fair skin. I'm like the Aryan Nation, but with love and tolerance for everyone in my heart. But, the shape of my eyes, they're...suspiciously squinty. I have narrow, almost almond-shaped eyes. They're blue, yes, but they hint at something more than Caucasian. It's not terribly uncommon for me to be asked whether I am in any way part Asian. The answer is no, not that I know of, but thankfully, my legacy to give to my future children will be a precise mix of races, almost like a recipe, and they will thank me that they have such a ready made answer (quarter Filipino, quarter black, half white) for every time someone cocks his head, squints his eyes, and says very rudely and blatantly, "What are you?" to each of them.

Also, they shouldn't have to worry so much about getting sunburned in the five minutes it takes to leave one's house and access one's car. See how I thought ahead when I married Dominic? If I'd married a white man the chances of my having albino babies would have increased exponentially. I'm a thoughtful person, indeed.

--Wait, I was explaining how Dominic and I might have Chinese babies, not albino babies. Okay, so this is how:

Dominic is part Asian, and I'm not but I look it from certain angles, and the color of our future babies will probably be somewhere in between both our respective skin colors now, which may result in something called "high-yellow," which is apparently a term Dominic's family has for really light-skinned black folks. Mix that in with the black hair they stand to inherent from daddy, and the narrow eyes they stand to inherit from us both, and voila, Chinese Babies!

It's true folks. I'm sure you'll all laugh now and be tickled like I was, and not offended that I've been going on so irreverently about race again.

P. S. Today, I found Dominic perusing mixedfolks.com to get a better idea of what our babies might look like. He's informed me we're screwed, because the closest person he could come up with is Mariah Carey, who's half white, a quarter black, and a quarter Venezuelan. I said that's okay; she was pretty when she was younger. Then he said, "OH MY GOD, Jennifer Beals from Flashdance is half-black!" and then, "OH MY GOD, Slash from Guns N'Roses is half-black!"

The lesson here, folks, is that it is possible to make Chinese babies without being Chinese and can you believe Jennifer Beals is half-black? Dominic sure couldn't. And neither can I.