Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Emoticon: Blah

Tonight, I came home to a dark house, a franticly meowing little kitty, and a sleeping Dominic in the bedroom, the door half cracked. It was just ten 'till nine.

Dominic's schedule is so hectic. He's gone a lot. A lot. A lot. A lot. And now that I'm taking classes on Mondays and Wednesdays--classes that begin at 5:30 clear across town during RUSH HOUR--and Dominic doesn't even get off work until 4:30, and considering the fact that he leaves before I even wake up, we don't see each other conscious at all these days.

As my college roommate can attest, or my estranged mother, or anyone who has ever befriended me only to have me run off as soon as possible in order to be by myself, I like my alone time. I have always needed time to myself in the past to unwind, to relax, to be, for a moment, irresponsible of the weight of the needs and judgments of other people. Always, I have always, always been this way--until there was Dominic.

I knew I should marry him because I never ever wanted him to go away ever. But of course he's in a line of work in which going away is an ever present necessity, and we haven't even begun with that yet--the chronic going away, probably as soon as he infects me with a passel of kids. Sigh.

Things have been a little heavy around here lately, a little morose and glum, a little tense. It feels like the heavy pall a bleak, dark winter should cast. Only it's not really winter here in Texas. It's more like a distended summer, once the hotness has melted away. All that's left is a bland, dissatisfied limbo.


Blogger Carrie said...

:( Your glum mood is felt by many this winter. It seems as though "bland" is a word that fits my life right now too. Maybe we just need to remember our favorite things! Ha. Just kidding. I know you probably want to shoot me right now. :)

2:36 PM  
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