On Being Stupid

Friday, I was left with the simple task of explaining first grade math problems to first graders. I didn't know the answer to number four.

Anyone who knows me knows that there is something drastically skewed between the left and right parts of my brain. Actually, it's more like the right part of my brain is that slacker in your tenth grade class that was delinquent but had potential. And the left part of my brain is retarded. I realize that this last sentence is not politically correct, but I stand by my statement because, people, I have worked with the mentally handicapped, and some of them, like, knew ALL their multiplication tables, and I never got past memorizing my sevens.

Okay, just to reiterate: I DID NOT KNOW THE ANSWER TO A FIRST GRADE MATH PROBLEM.

This goes beyond all absurdity. This goes beyond being a little "slow" with numbers. This goes beyond the mindblowing disparity between my math and english scores on the ACT and the GRE. This is indicative that something went terribly, awfully, horribly wrong with my math education. This indicates that I should just be put down now. And compassionately, because, really it's the right thing to do. I'd be better off.