Monkey Butt

Right about now, I think we should all take some time to appreciate the cuteness of this kitty. Her name is Mia. But let's just call her Monkey Butt.



We should take time to appreciate Monkey Butt's great aptitude for cuteness because right now that's about all she's got going for herself.

Why, you ask?

Because Monkey Butt is host once again to an evil parasite that I imagine looks a lot like the monster from Alien, after it's burst from the dude's stomach and then rears it's little worm head up, screaming with those nasty worm teeth, and then BAM! it makes a beeline for the air ducts in front of all the horrified astronauts. Later it mutates and grows and EATS EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM one by one and they all die horrifically slow deaths, except for Sigourney Weaver, but she totally gets hers in Ghostbusters anyway when she becomes possessed by Zuul and turns into a crazy dog.



I don't expect a human eating alien monster will burst forth from the furry haunches of Monkey Butt any time soon, but the threat thereof--no matter how improbable--is not why Monkey Butt's only remaining endearing quality is her happenstance cuteness. No, Monkey Butt's dilemma lies in the fact that SHE SPIT OUT HER TAPEWORM PILL SO MANY TIMES THIS AFTERNOON THAT IT DISINTEGRATED INTO A THOUSAND PIECES.

Which means that tomorrow I will have to pack Monkey Butt up in her carrier, travel into the heart of the Traffic Nightmare wherein lives her veterinarian, and beg the assistants to give my cat a pill for the worm that lives in her butt.



No doubt there will be much protest from Monkey Butt, but this time she can just SUCK IT.

She's also exiled from the bedroom until further notice, or until I wake up and find that I have suddenly become Ripley and am dashingly good looking and capable of kicking alien butt at the same time and can therefore take on the monster who has taken up residence in our clueless little kitty, Monkey Butt, who better be glad she's so cute.

Or else we would have taken her back to kitty jail long ago and traded her in for an animal who DOESN'T so gleefully house parasitic worms.