Monday, November 08, 2004

The Dirty Stinky Poo-Butt Monkey

*Warning: contains explicit content about cat poo*

This morning I awoke to an all-too familiar aria of ecstatically hyper yips and yowls and the sput-sputtering of robust purrs. This is Mia's usual morning routine, a process she employs that is meant to suggest that she has been EMPHATICALLY bored in the time that has elapsed since she greeted Dominic with the same frantic good morning ritual just an hour or two before. Upon waking to this ritual, I stumbled out to the kitchen, as I always do, to fill her food bowl and change her water (lest she snub the unfresh water and go scouting for something cleaner and fresher in--I don't know--a TOILET!) and then stumbled to the second bathroom where her litter box lives where I discovered, to my horror, what shall henceforth go down in history as the Streaky Stinky Poo Butt Disaster of 2004.

What awaited me was like the crime scene of a horror movie, if crime scenes in horror movies were made with streaks of cat poo instead of streaks of blood. There it lay--one long continuous streak of poo that began just inches from her litter box and then curved out, bell shaped, from the bathroom door and then continued, bold and straight for at least a foot, before curving to the left and continuing another foot in a wavy line, and ONLY FROM THERE did it finally sputter out and disappear suspiciously into our beige carpet.

It was a poop-tacular display of the poorest of feline hygiene. And being as cats decline to tidy up after themselves I had to clean it up, myself.

The only situation I can conceive of that could possibly lend itself to the making of the Poo Butt Disaster would be if Mia had some left-over poo stuck to her butt after she finished using her box and if she then chose, as the only logical next-step, to drag her butt across the black and white tile of the bathroom to the carpet where she then apparently employed a dragging wave technique in order to thoroughly clean herself. I am torn between horror at imagining this and giggling like a 12 year-old boy because I am imagining this.

Meanwhile, Mia has degenerated farther and farther into the land of unwanted and unkempt kitties. Her entire upper body is still greasy from the antibiotic cream we've been rubbing in her ears, and now, of course, I can't bring myself to approach her lower body at all. She's also developed a hysterical sneeziness (that has, thank god, tempered out somewhat in the past day or two) and sometimes I walk into the bedroom only to catch her up on the bed and sneezing, rapid-fire, into Dominic's pillows.

Okay, I made that last part up. But wouldn't it be funny if she did sneeze into his pillows? I don't know that I would tell him if she did. And there I am, being like a 12 year-old boy again. A 12 year-old boy with a dirty, stinky, poo-butt monkey of a kitty.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is the cat really sneezing in my pillow? That's not funny.

4:24 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I said I made that part up. :)

6:11 PM  
Blogger Carrie said...

What a funny little kitty. You are so lucky to have a dirty stinky poo-butt little greasy monkey kitten to help keep you laughing and keep you company. I seriously want an apartment just so I can have a kitten. I'm pretty sure Matt is going to go crazy because I tell him everyday that I want one- everyday.

Also, why is it always 1:00 in the morning and I am writing a paper? Does anyone else have this problem?

Keep the blogs coming guys. You both provide me with well-needed entertainment.

11:09 PM  

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