Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Faincy Don't Let Me Down

Sorry for the recent silence. This has been for two reasons: 1. my life is very boring right now, and 2. my hormones recently turned me into a crazy person so I have been avoiding contact with all sentient beings except my husband who can't escape my hormonal wrath because six months ago he said a few vows, among them the one that goes "I will love you forever even when your hormones turn you into a crazy person." There was also a vow in there about taking me to get ice cream whenever I want it. Anytime, night or day.

So in lieu of anything insightful (like I ever post anything that could be considered insightful here) I now present to you a brief lexicon of Southern vernacular--or at least my take on it.

For the most part, people who don't know that I grew up in a relatively small town in Alabama wouldn't be able to guess it from hearing me speak. I spent my whole life purposefully trying to mute my own accent, and for the most part I've been successful, but there are a few times when the whole sham comes crumbling down at my feet. Here are some incidents:

1. But-cept. When Dominic first head this one he hit the floor laughing so hard I thought he was going to fall through it. But-cept is a combination of the words but and except. I use it if I'm feeling particularly tired or distracted. Ex: I had to go the bathroom really bad but-cept I didn't want to because there were only porta-potties there and they were stinky.

2. Hongry. Again, this word only comes out of my mouth this way when I'm tired or distracted or, well, incredibly hongry. I asked Dominic if he was hongry once, and he gave me this look of utter disdain and moral superiority and told me that never in his entire life had he ever been or would ever be "hongry." Ex: Dominic is not nice when he makes fun of me for being hongry.

3. Faincy. This is a word I use to describe anything I own that is nice. I usually limit its usage to shoes, clothing, and accessories, but I sometimes add the word, pants, at the end of it to broaden the word to describe, well, anything. Ex: Boy, those shoes are faincy! I'm going to wear them tomorrow to the faincy-pants party downtown.

4. Pin. Ex: Hand me that pin. I need to write something down.

Also, remember the cat-hat? She was back last night. Only this time she wasn't so much on my head as COMPLETELY STRETCHED OUT IN MY SPOT IN BED. I made the tragic mistake last night of rolling over a little in my sleep toward the center of the bed, and then when I tried to roll back, the cat yelled at me for disturbing her sleep. SHE WAS USING MY PILLOW AND EVERYTHING.

I guess it doesn't matter so much because she is after all just a wee little thing and I could easily just push her off the bed, but Mia has attitude. And when she meow-yells at me there is so much angry indignation packed into her little cat-voice that I feel like I have to comply or I'll be really really sorry. So I usually just let her do whatever. I guess she's like a teenager that way, except furrier and stupider. Also, she licks her butt a lot.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Thar She Blows

Right now I'm about half-way through Moby Dick, a project I inflicted upon myself purposefully because I remain ashamed of all the books and plays I've never read that The Cannon hails indispensable to literary-minded people. Like, say Walden or the Odyssey or the Iliad or all of Shakespeare excluding Romeo and Juliet, parts of Hamlet and Othello, and the first act of King Lear, which I didn't even have to read anyway.

Okay, I just reread that last sentence and I realize it makes me sound like I've read quite a bit of Shakespeare, which I haven't. Don't let my tricky word-choices and manipulative sentence structure confuse you. It's called SparkNotes and my own personal shame. Dominic and I took a Shakespeare class together in college and unlike my delinquent, short-cutting, shameful self, he actually read everything, and participated in class discussions, all the while stealthily flirting with a girl named Erica (you know who, Dominic--name rhmes with Who's That) who was a star softball player with the highest GPA in the English department. She had what the boys like to call, a rockin' body. I just couldn't like her, people. On principle, you understand.

Anyway, Moby Dick. Wow, it sucks. Except when Melville is being funny, because let me tell you, for a guy that died penniless, morbidly bitter, and estranged from his family, old Melville can be a funny guy at times. It's the grand sweeping gesture at getting at the root of human nature at its most mad and debased that holds him back, and also the chapters that sound in my head as if Charlton Heston were reciting the ten commandments. So what I'm trying to say, is that I guess the book's okay--only that I've been spoiled by reality TV shows that give me instant gratification and sensationalism. They have made the earnest deliberation of the human soul to seem so...passe.

Sunday, June 12, 2005

Things That Go Sit in the Night on Your Head

Two nights ago I woke up face-down in the mattress with the kitty reclined partially on my head. The fact that Mia was lying on my head totally freaked me out for all of the five seconds it took for me to fall back asleep--with her still on my head.

The next morning the cat was gone and I told Dominic about it, and he said, "What, you've never had a cat hat before?"

A cat hat? People, I couldn't make this up.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

Peach Season Baby!

It's Peach Season baby! This past weekend Kate and I drove to a town called Fredricksburg, known locally for their peaches. Kate and I were skeptical to begin with being from the dirty, dirty South, but we were more than pleased with the flavor and ripeness of the peaches. It has in fact become a bone of contention with Kate and I. She, as many of you know, does not like to share. She had sliced some peaches into a bowl and I asked very politely if I could have some. She said no and since she had put forth the effort to slice them she shouldn't have to share. Also, I was more than welcome to cut up my own peaches. I reminded her that I drove the three hours to Fredricksburg and back, so she gave me a spoonful half-heartedly. It reminded me of when her sister Carrie offered us a bite of her strawberry cheesecake once. It was incredibly sad...

On the work scene. It is not fun. Not only that it's not going to get better. Which is really not cool. I have to stay at work all day it seems and then go back to study later in the evening. I simply cannot wait until this fiasco is over!

Kate and I are still really excited about Nebraska, but we were disheartened to find that there are no travel books about the state, at least here in Texas. How sad is that? A state that doesn't merit a travel book...We're still excited and I can't stop looking at real estate on the web. Even though I know I won't buy a house for a few months I just can't stop looking! I'm addicted! Houses and peaches...

Saturday, June 04, 2005

Woohoo Cornhuskers!

I've already sent the word out to a few people, but for some reason it's taken me a while to post the information here:

People, we are going to Nebraska.

CORN! (I love corn. Corn is so yummy and delicious and sweet and good I can't even believe it's a vegetable.)

Seriously, Dominic and I are excited about this. He will be flying RC-135's, of which I know nothing about except that they are big planes that fly out of Nebraska, and he will be an EWO (Electronic Warfare Officer) instead of a navigator. This is good, because as it turns out, Dominic HATES navigating airplanes. Tricky Air Force, just blindly assigning people jobs. It reminds me of a book I read once.

I'm excited about Nebraska because we will be living in Omaha, which is a city, and we will be near Lincoln, which is an even bigger city. I'm also excited about stirring up the Midwest a bit with my southern flava. Yeah! "Y'all want some cornbread with that? I baked it in a skillet!" The thing I'm most excited about, however, is that I have choices, actual choices, about graduate school. If I can get accepted into a masters program at the University of Nebraska it would be a good thing because everybody's heard of it. When I married Dominic I knew I would keep up my education, but what I didn't know was what kind of options I would have. Turns out my options are great. Thank you crazy Air Force for assigning us to somewhere with multiple opportunities for higher education.

So things are good around here. Not as tense anymore now that we feel like we can start to make some plans for the near future. Dominic is still hard at work, but he gets the weekend off because he passed (mastered) a difficult test on Friday. I'm being gloriously lazy and reading as many books as I can stuff into my face.

Good stuff all around.